Below is a journal entry from last week written just after an amazing spiritual experience that I had during meditation. I share it here with you because while the experience was my own, the universal truth behind it speaks to your own Divine nature. So as you read this I hope to encourage you to Remember Who You Are.
6-15-06
I was supposed to meet with Deb, a friend of mine from Canada, by phone this morning but when I rang her she told me we’d need to reschedule for tomorrow. My energy was really at low ebb and I wanted to go back to bed but since I’d just had a cup of coffee I decided to sit and meditate.
I sat down and immediately my primary spirit guide Chien was with me. In fact, it felt suspiciously like he had planned this all along and had convinced Deb to postpone the phone session.
As soon as I closed my eyes I started ascending in awareness. By habit I took myself to F10, but it was not necessary. Chien told me not to worry about it and to just follow the awareness. I felt like I was being pulled along by a stream of consciousness that flowed like a river toward the sea. I watched the focus levels flash by. F27, F35, F42…. They each raced by like unvisited railway platforms as seen from an express train. Within minutes my focus level was as high as I had ever been. And still I kept going.
The ascent was easy since I’ve learned to float on the surrounding frequency vibrations. I used to think that I needed to sustain each vibration and each octave as I rose up and up. This worked fine up to F27, but upon reaching higher frequencies the intensity of the vibrations made me feel like a wine glass trying to sustain a high C sung by an opera singer. It was only a matter of time until I shattered.
I don’t try to sustain the frequencies anymore. Instead I allow myself to float on the energy and go where it takes me. In a sense I become diffuse instead of concentrated. The energy just flows right through me. When I do this I can easily move to any frequency because there is no need to maintain my sense of individual distinction. I merely am an orb of energy, and as such I can vibrate at any frequency at all.
Eventually I realized where I was going. I was going to my Source. I was going to my Highest Self. My point of origin. My connecting point with the ultimate Divine Source of All.
As I rose up Chien was still with me. He encouraged me to continue rising in frequency. It was surprisingly easy since I was being pulled along by the energy stream. Eventually I approached my Highest Self, which shone like a five-pointed star in the blackness. As I drew near it greeted me, saying “Welcome home, Matthew.”
The voice was just as I hear it my head during times of spiritual guidance. It felt wonderfully comforting, like a parent soothing a child.
“Come inside,” my Highest Self said.
“Thank you, Chien,” I said as I turned to go.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” Chien replied.
“You da guide!” I smiled and then I merged with my Highest Self.
I felt myself enveloped in a warm and loving light. Interestingly, I was not overwhelmed by the light as I expected myself to be. I anticipated losing all sense of individuality and merging with all that I am, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I retained a sense of Matthew and I had a conversation with my Highest Self.
We talked for several minutes as I tried to orient myself to existence from the perspective of My Highest Self. It explained to me that It is a single facet on the jewel that is Source. My Highest Self is individual, yet it is an essential part of all that is creation.
I asked how Its perspective differed from a time when I had journeyed to a point of awareness from which I perceived several dozen galaxies as my whole self. My Highest Self explained there are different ways of conceiving of ourselves.
From one perspective we are like a set of nesting dolls; a smaller doll nested inside a larger one, which is inside a larger one, and so on. From another perspective we are a braid of individuals at the same level woven together. So each individual lifetime on Earth weaves together with others at the same level to form the doll above it. So while I have lived more than 300 lifetimes on Earth, they all roll into one soul. That soul is then braided into others in my soul group, which is in turn braided into still larger soul groups and so on. So each nesting doll or level of existence is actually composed of countless experiences on each level.
My Highest Self then explained that the aspect of Self that I experienced as a group of galaxies was equivalent to a massive group soul looking back upon all of its many different braids of consciousness. The aspect of Self I was communicating with today was the equivalent of looking directly at the lineage of nesting dolls that ran from Source downward through multiple levels of awareness to my eventual awareness as the individual I know as Matthew who is alive in 2006.
With this perspective established, my Highest Self told me that in response to my recent requests to remember who I truly I am, I was now going to receive a flood of memories of who I was. I was not to concentrate on any of them but rather to absorb them as a whole.
I expected that I would take them in as a ROTE (Monroe Institute terminology for a self-contained holographic thought ball with a complex message or experience within it) and unravel them later. Instead I suddenly felt like I was floating naked in omnidimensional sunshine. The light came from all directions, bathing me all over and permeating me to the very essence of who I am.
A flow of memories washed over me and despite the instructions not to concentrate on trying to identify them I did just that. There were far too many and they came way too fast to grasp them. It was a bit like watching TV when someone else rapidly changes channels. Each channel represented a lifetime and each went by in the slightest fraction of a second. Mostly everything was a blur so it came in as a whole, which was the intended effect, but still I managed to catch some fleeting images.
I saw myself as a medieval soldier with a sword, a scribe in ancient China, a shoe salesman in 19th century Ohio, a concentration camp survivor in Nazi Germany, a beat poet in a car crash, a nurse in a military hospital, a Siberian shaman, a woman giving birth, and many others. The memories that washed over me were definitely not just from Earth. They were from other planets and other dimensions as well. As they flooded into me I knew that they were all parts of me, but mostly I only identified the lifetimes that I had been previously aware of.
Eventually the stream of memories stopped. My Highest Self spoke again and advised me not to concentrate on the individual facets. Like my Highest Self and Its relationship with Source, each lifetime on any dimension of reality is but a facet of the whole. All are intimately connected to the others, and the whole is not complete without them. Nor can they be separated from the whole.
My Highest Self then told me I was to undergo the process again, but this time I was to experience who I was between lifetimes. The light bath of memories washed over me a second time. This time I had far fewer moments of recognition.
When the second round ended I asked my Highest Self about this lack of recognition. It told me that my inability to recall was because of the amnesia that I experienced as a result of living in the Earth plane. That amnesia was what we were in the process of dissolving.
Then my Highest Self challenged me to remember who I was. At first I didn’t understand. I tried to grab for the memories, but they had flashed by too fast. All I recalled was the blur.
“No,” admonished my Highest Self. “Don’t try to remember what you have done. Remember who you are!” The emotion behind this was intense. It felt somewhere between a suggestion and a command.
The omnidimensional light returned once again and for a moment I just went blank. Then I realized that I was to float on the memories just as I had floated on the energy vibrations that had taken me to meet my Highest Self. So I let myself go diffuse. The vibrations intermingled with my own, and I lost all distinction between memory and myself. We were one and the same.
And then it came to me. The point of the exercise wasn’t to access the memories at all. It was to remember who I am. And I did.
I was the Light!
I am the All-That-Is. I am the Light in physical form. I have taken many forms and gathered many experiences. I am all of them and yet I am not any of them. I am that which is within and that which is beyond all things.
This was no epistemological construct gleaned from some holy scripture. This was a direct knowing of my truth in that moment. And it would have been enough to have had this epiphany, but then something else astounding happened.
My awareness dropped back into my physical body. Or rather I adopted a bilocational feeling so that I was 100 percent fully connected with the experience of floating in the light of memory within my Highest Self, and yet I was simultaneously 100 percent aware of my body sitting in my meditation chair.
In that moment my breathing became more pronounced. I felt my abdomen expanding and contracting. My solar plexus felt like it was being activated in some new way. Divine Light flooded into my second and third chakras and I felt an expansion of energy there. Suddenly I gasped for air. Only it was not really air I was gasping for. I felt like I was breathing Light. I felt like I had just developed a set of gills that absorbed the nutrients from the Divine Light that surrounds us at all the time.
“Congratulations,” beamed my Highest Self. “Happy Birthday. You’ve just been born into your light body. No longer will you depend on food and water alone to sustain you. No longer will you need to return to sleep to replenish your spiritual nature. With every breath you take you are now breathing the Light of the Divine.”
I knew of course that I was still breathing air. I knew I still needed to eat food and drink water, but at the same time I felt like I had just been liberated from them. For months now I have struggled, not having enough energy to get through the day. Despite my best efforts and those of my medical team there simply was no way I could eat enough, sleep enough or extract enough earthly sustenance to sustain my metamorphosis. That part of the process is now over.
Today I remembered myself not based on some linear recognition of what I had experienced in the past, but rather based on who I am in every given moment. I am not just a sum collection of experiences or lifetimes. I am the Light itself, not the memories contained within it. As the Light, I chose to have those experiences, but they do not define who I am any more than what we chose to eat for breakfast defines who we are. We are so much more than we think we are.
This four month transformation process has been arduous and trying at times, but today was a breakthrough. It was certainly not the end of the process. Yet it was an important milestone. As I write these notes just minutes after the experience I can feel a new source of energy flowing through me. It is sustaining me like the river of conscious energy I was floating on.
I no longer feel like I have to strive to sustain my sense of individual integrity. Instead I am simultaneously aware of my solid body and the diffuse Light. The Light flows through me as it flows through all things. The feeling is truly liberating and empowering. There is no room for fear anymore. What is there for Light to be afraid of? It shines in all directions and dissolves the darkness whatever its form.
The most amazing part of all is that I know that you are literally a Light Being as well. I know that is your true nature, even if you have temporarily forgotten. I want to help you to wake up to WHO you truly are. I’ve yet to discover exactly how to do that, but I’ll gladly work with whoever is interested in figuring it out.
Let me know if you’re interested.
Matthew

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